The opening scene of "The Mandalorian" season 3 is an eventful one, with a Mandalorian oath-taking ceremony being rudely interrupted by a massive aquatic reptile. The audio description for the episode identifies it as a "giant dinosaur turtle," though it's also extremely alligator-like in appearance, too. Maybe it's the outer space version of an alligator snapping turtle, munching on Mandalorians and making Earth turtles look like little punks. Seriously, this massive monster comes flying out of the water and chomps down on a grown Mando like my dog when she sneaks a French fry off the floor. Thankfully, Din Djarin (Pedro Pascal), the Mandalorian, shows up and blows a hole in the side of the creature, spraying viscera all over the beach, and the problem is solved. Now they just have to figure out what to do with that giant lizard.
Both turtle and alligator are pretty delicious, so I immediately thought of how many gator tots the Armorer (Emily Swallow) and the rest of the Mandalorians could make. There's enough meat there to feed that group of Mandalorians for weeks, as long as they can find a way to preserve or refrigerate it. Waste not, want not!
Creative Culinary Creations
The chunks of creature that litter the beach are almost as big as some of the Mandalorians, which got me thinking about the size of the sausages you could make with those guts. There's an entire industry of space meatpacking just sitting there, and I'm surprised that we haven't seen any enterprising extraterrestrials turning themselves into the Oscar Meyer of a galaxy far, far away. That turtle-dragon would make a lot of hot dogs, and there are a lot of other interesting "Star Wars" monsters and animals to potentially turn into cuisine. Domesticated livestock exists in "Star Wars," of course, and even the tree-dwelling teddy bears the Ewoks have Endorian chickens and goats, but where's the market for Krayt Dragon crepes, Zucca boar sandwiches, or Anooba meat pies? There are a lot of aggressive animals that attack and need to be killed out in the far reaches of space, and it's immoral to let all of that meat go to waste. I don't want to encourage any kind of poaching, because there's enough crime in the galaxy, but someone really should take advantage of all of that monster meat lying around.
There are a couple of "Star Wars" monsters and creatures I wouldn't feel comfortable turning into snacks, like Rancors, because they seem to have a bit more personality and sentience, but that's also probably just because I think they're cute, like giant pit bulls. Sure, it would be great if everyone in "Star Wars" could be vegan and had plenty to eat, but this is "Star Wars," not "Star Trek," so people have to make do.
New episodes of "The Mandalorian" debut Wednesdays on Disney+, where maybe we'll meet some more massive monsters turned into mounds of meat.
Read this next: The Biggest Questions The Mandalorian Season 3 Needs To Answer
The post Yes, We Would Eat the Giant Space Alligator From The Mandalorian Season 3 Premiere, Please and Thank You appeared first on /Film.